Julio Rodriguez: Breakup Revenge Tour

If you don’t know a 23 year old dude that’s been pussy-whipped, down-bad, head over heels for “the one” who he doesn’t end up with, take a drink and be glad. But we all bounce back, regardless of who breaks your heart. Julio Rodriguez isn’t a disappointment, he’s a normal 23-year-old who had a breakup with a super sexy soccer player, and his numbers since then have given all the signs that he’s back, playing with a chip on his shoulder, and THAT is something to seriously worry about in the AL West. Let the revenge tour begin.

I know what you’re thinking, he’s a decent player, he had 1 good year, but he won’t get back to that level. I get it. What you need to consider is that he’s 23, and had a long-term relationship end. He’s a softie, was maybe a little emo. Probably spent half of 2024 listening to some love songs and crying before switching to Nickelback in the gym and crushing Raya.

If you dated HER for a year, and then broke up, would you be a little sad, probably not doing 100% at work? I rest my case. For context, that’s Jordyn Huitema, also a 23 year old phenom in Seattle. She’s a Canadian soccer player and dated Julio since November 2022 (when it became public / hard launch / whatever you call it). You can assume that shortly after his debut or even before that (April 2022) they were banging. And as a hitter, I’d have the biggest nuts in the world mentally if I was going to link with her after the game. I’m shocked he didn’t hit 40 homers his rookie year. 

I’ll speed through the romance portion here: He was unstoppable, truly a generational 5-tool player for all of 2022 and especially 2023 - breaking through the 30 Homer, 100 RBI, 35 SB marks, and then some. 2024 was a whole different story up until about a month ago. 

For a month or so now, all photos of the two have been wiped off of their Instagram accounts, her comments on his posts haven’t been there in months, and he’s posting thirst traps and highlights, clubbing with singers, selfies, you know the drill. 

THE STRUGGLE IS OVER, THE REVENGE TOUR IS HERE. 

The Angels, A’s, and Rangers are on the decline, the Astros’ reign may be over soon and the Mariners have the tools to make a multi-year claim to the division if J-Rod to be honest here. 

Let’s all remember that these players have REAL lives that are complicated and uniquely challenging. But let’s also remember how much of an absolute fucking DEMON a rich and famous 23 year old on a revenge tour post-2-year-relationship can be. Now imagine he locks in even more. And if you’re wondering how likely this is, get this: 

Likely breakup period: Summer, figure sometime mid-to-late June 2024. Figure 3 months of decline leading up to this. Before then, his numbers were beyond underachieving, he was NOT good. His last 30 games (once I estimate the crying and emo period ended) he’s batted .315 and counted for 27 of the team’s runs scored. This past week: .457 avg, 3 HR, 11 RBI from 16 Hits. I’d say that’s more like it. 

I think he got his swaggerrrrrr backkkk